A Frosted Kiss

Sitting alone at a local Starbucks coffee house, I gaze out the window and see the bright orange colors of the leaves, as they gracefully fall from their branches and float down to the ground, one by one.  The piazza, is chilly, yet the old stone columns give an allure of old world sophistication, amidst the hustle and bustle of the inner city streets.  Cars fill the cobble stone lane, as people walk bye, hastening their arrival to their chosen destinations.  Water shimmers, as it moves about the shallow pool within the fountain in the square, a cold breath, a chill is in the air, like a frosty kiss amid a cool November day.

This is how I see the world...

Positive Vibes...

It would appear to my delight that just simply having a positive reaction to any given negative situation can just give you the upper hand in the long haul.  A few weeks ago while at a local Starbucks Coffee house in beautiful Cook street Village, a suburb of the down town core of Victoria, I was having a coffee.  I had just come from a seemingly long day and very much so needed the refreshment.

I ordered my usual beverage, a tall dark roast coffee, in a grande cup with a pump of the yummy mokah syrup.  I added my cream and sugar to it and then went to sit down and sip away the worries of my day.  It had been nearly fourty five minutes of sitting there and enjoying the ambient environment, before I was told that they were nearing the close for the day.

Had I really been there that long? I thought to myself...  In all likely hood, I guess that I must have...  As I began to pack up my belongings, I went in to my bag to get my wallet so that I could catch my bus home for the night.  But, wait a minute... where was my wallet.

I went through all of the motions of panic.  First I began checking all of my pockets, then again and again, when that didn't pan out, I began to retrace my steps.  I had remembered having it at the counter when I paid for my beverage, and then "Oh Wait"!  No... I thought to myself...  I had set it down on the coffee bar while I mixed in my drink condiments.

It must still be there I thought, I mean this is Starbucks after all, and in a good neighborhood...  I checked the coffee bar, the garbages and the bathrooms, I even asked the barrista's on staff if they had seen it...  But sadly for me, the wallet and my ID cards were nowhere to be found.

I felt at a complete loss.  I had just gotten my licence as well, it was all brand new for me...  And so I left my contact information with the barrista's just in case something might turn up.  But in all likelihood, I would never see it again...  And so I tried something different...  Instead of getting upset and cursing the person who stole from me, I instead decided to visualize the person in my mind.

I pictured them taking my wallet from the coffee bar, and instead of wishing them any ill harm, I instead wished that they would be able to use my money and ID's in some way that could make life easier for them.  I had to come to the realization that it must have been difficult for them and maybe even a bit scary to take my wallet in the first place, and that there was likely a good reason that they did it.

Maybe they needed the money, maybe life had dealt them a bad hand...  Who knows what the reason was.  But I put the energy out to the universe that I immediately forgave them of any wrong doings.  I asked that they be blessed in any way that might help them better their life.

And I added in as well that, if the universe saw fit, then I would very much love to have my Identification back again, never once asking for the return of the money. 

Weeks went bye and I figured that I would never see it again, it was long since out of my mind, and then today, I just so happened to be back in the same neighborhood again, I went in and asked the barrista for my regular coffee with a mokah pump, and then I asked her if she had heard anything of a metal wallet turned in.

She looked at me and said just one second let me check...  I waited never acctually expecting it to be there, when all of a sudden, she pulls up the wallet and passes it to me.  She was smiling, I was smiling, and when I opened it, I found both my BCID as well as my new Drivers Licence.  Everything that I had asked for was there in my possession once again...

I believe that it was my positive attitude and neglect of negative thoughts which brought my wallet safely back to me again.  As for the person who took it initially...  I wish them nothing but the very best, and I am happy that I was in one way or another, able to help them out :)

FML - A story for two

A Story for the Ages...

As I sit here with a cigarette in one hand and done up to the nines, I think to myself just how much this morning's events could have turned out so much for the better...  It all began last night, a regular night by most peoples standards, I was at home perusing the singles ads on a various amount of different web pages, when I happened upon a guy who seemed totally great.  His picture looked a bit like a gorgeous model who had been clipped out of an Abercrombie ad, and I almost thought to myself that he mustn't be real.

After talking for awhile we decided in uni cine that  we liked each other, and were both on the same page about taking things to a more intimate level.  Yes people... we were going to meet up for casual sex!  lol...  We spoke for a little while longer and decided that midnight would be perfect for the both of us.

11:30pm rolls around and I hear nothing, then 11:45 and midnight, and still complete silence...  I decided that he was obviously a fuck tard, and that he wasn't going to be worth my thoughts or time again.  And so I put his number in to my phone as "Ditcher Do Not Answer", lol...  yes, I too can be immature at times like a teenage girl who got dissed.

I went to sleep watching old re-runs of the Gilmore Girls on my flat screen tv, and woke to the sound of my receiving a text message.  The sneaky ditching bastard snuck up on me with a text instead of a call...  A bit of a smartie pants he was obviously, cause I would have to text back to him, its like a woman's cryptonite.  If he called, I could have screened it and never spoken to him again, but he didn't... he texted me...

He apologized to me and had a uniquely decent story, which was good enough to re-consider trying it again and having him over for morning sex, less than an hour ago.  He came over and walked inside my place, he said hello and looked and smelled so good.  He really caught me off guard this one...  In fact, he really was the same guy from the photo.

I felt a bit on edge cause he was really my type as far as male model's go, tall, dark, bedroom eyes, sexy in all aspects of the word.  He told me that he just had to go and tell his friend he was going to stay and he would be right back.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed I thought that he was making an excuse to leave without seeming rude, at least until he could run for the hills, and so to save face, and feel like it didn't bother me, I in turn became defensive, telling him; "Its okay, you can go, its all good, it doesn't matter to me", his reply was with a confused look on his face and his trying to assure me that he did in fact plan on coming back inside.

And once he left, he didn't come back, making me think that I had been right, and so being a typical girl I texted him and said "Looks like I was right".  He replied telling me that I had asked him to go and how it was rude.
He then continued on telling me that his bro had been waiting outside in case he wanted to run, but when he saw me, he saw the most beautiful woman in the world, and he was just telling his buddy that it was okay to leave him here instead.  Something called "Bro Code"?  Anyway, long story short...  the gorgeous guy, thought I was gorgeous too, and right now I could have been riding him instead of writing his story...

Yet because of confidence issues on my behalf, I was rude and blew him off, making his first impression of me to be a bitch, and my likely never seeing him again...  And this is where the title comes in and I result to saying aloud; "FML"

xoxox

Simple City Girl me ;)

Beauty & the Psych-tard...

So...  I had placed an add on a local website looking for the eternal bliss we all call LOVE.  And when I did, I guess I caught the attention of quite a few different guys.  Some were tall, others were short, some could pose on the cover of GQ, while others would be more suited to Horse & Hound.  Regardless to say... my dance card was filling up rather quickly.  One guy in particular we will call "X3".  X3, was a very analytical kind of person who asked me many many question, in a form of an interview.  Speaking with him was like trying to squeeze juice from a stone. 

After a few mild conversations with him, I got a bit caught up within my own life and my personal goings on's and neglected to message him again.  Not just him, but all of the people I had been speaking with.  And then today, out of the blue I receive a message from him saying to me;  "Guess I wasn't GQ enough for you" screw you!"  And then nothing... just blank... This made me upset enough to create a response to his madness, which read;

"

Sent:	May-23-13 9:25:40 PM
To:	X3 (04151dec5bd53778a6750239a0192dec@reply.craigslist.org)

 

wow... seems like somebody needs a refill on his
anti-psychotic medications... Did you ever think that maybe
its not so much of a GQ thing as it is a "YOU" thing? I didn't get back to you,
because I have a ton of stuff going on right now in my life, it was never meant
as a diss or a personal attack on you. But your message here, clearly indicates
the kind of person you are on the inside. And that person, is ugly. So... even if
you were a super sexy looking GQ model on the outside, people would still
find you ugly because of the kind of person you clearly are on the inside.

I am happy now and relieved that I never wasted my time in getting to
know a pathetic bottom feeder of a person like you. I am going to give
you some valuable advice, and you may not want to hear it, but... trust
me when I tell you, you need to...

The next time you get the chance of the possibility of meeting or getting to know
a person, its likely best that if they don't reply back to you, its possible that there is more
going on then what you see or make a reality in your little mind.
And if you reply to them, the way that you did to me today, then chances are...
you will more then likely end up alone and unwanted by anyone!

So... the next time that this happens, and I am almost positive that it will,
ask them a question like "Hey, hows it going"? or "Remember me"? before
going on a petty little tangent, making them firmly believe that you are some kind
of certifiable nut job.

The worst part being, I actually liked you, I thought that your thorough side was
cute and refreshing, but... having now seen your bitter side, the part I thought was
cute about you, has all been clouded up with an alert telling me that you are
a creepy weirdo, and to stay far far away from you...

Nice manners by the way...

Since  writing my reply to him, I have to wonder if he is in fact a real and psychotic serial killer who doesn't work well with rejection.  If that is so, then Oops!!!  And my days may be numbered, but if they are, then at least you are here to read about it.  I see another email from him in reply to my rejection letter, and so like a good sport, I am going to share that with you all as well :)  It reads;

"u rejected me so ill say what the hell iwant ok fucker?"

 

Would it be a bad idea for me to send him back a simple "LOL"?  Or to tell him that he makes me laugh every single time he sends me another silly message?

 

My real reply to him was,

 

" Calling names makes you seem like a tiny, pathetic, little shell of a man, but go right ahead, its something to show my friends... :) "

 

Heads up guys...  if you are feeling dissed by a girl, there are many ways to handle it.  But the way that this guy handled it, will only make you seem like a tragic weirdo, so... if a chick flakes on you, like I guess I made this guy feel like I did to him...  just pack up and move on, cause theres so many girls in the world, and theres more than likely a perfect match out there just waiting for a prince charming like you to come & steal her heart away :)

 

Don't be weird, it will only make her laugh at you, and think of you as a freak :)

I totally wish this guy hadda gone a different route...  Never know where it may have taken us.

 

Oh well...  lol...

 

X's & O's

 

Simple City Girl me ;)  

Whats a girl in today's world supposed to do in the hopeless eternal search for love?  Against my own will, I decided to give this guy Kevin a chance tonight, go for a nice drive he says and get a frosty from the Wendy's drive-thru.  He pics me up and tells me that I am very pretty, beautiful even, likely whatever he thinks I want to hear in order to get me in to bed with him.

The chase was on, and to be honest, all this simple city girl wanted was a guy who would talk with her, like a real person, and she wanted her Wendy's chocolate Frosty.

Sometimes a girl just gets a craving, like an itch that can not be scratched until its in her hands.  One of the secret reasons of why we lose control and become satan's daughter in 0-60mph...
So take it from me guys out there in the world and wherever else this blog might reach.  If your girl is getting testy, it could be as simple as a Wendy's Chocolate Frosty, or as big as an earth quake, but...  Its up to you to decide which it might be.

Kevin said yes to the Frosty and then drove right past Wendy's, he thought he could just get some instead, and so he parks us at the beach.  "Lay your seat back" he tells me, trying to be smooth, I know where this is going, then he tells me that we can do it how I like it, and that I can have anything I want "Except Wendy's"...

Motha Fu*%er!!!

I told him that my house would be so much nicer and far less hear score, mostly because I didnt feel like getting trapped at the beach after midnight, having to walk home afterward.  And so he began driving me home, missing Wendy's yet again...  Oh well...

And when he pulled up to my house, I looked at him and said "Have a good night" ;)  He was far less than impressed, but I'm just a girl, not a vending machine for pleasure.  Its all about give a little, take a little, and this girl wasn't givin anything away tonight, the boy didn't even get her the one simple thing she wanted in the 1st place.

Her Wendy's...

Thank you for listening, my lovelies :)

Love always,

Katie. C.

In The Eye Of The Storm

You may stop to wonder to yourself what may be the purpose of such a title as. "In the eye of the Storm", but in this great big world we call life, there are many different ways to express our devout feelings and underlaying emotions attached to a degree of different experiences.
My coming back home to the city of my birth, was in some ways a very good thing, and in other ways... a real test to see how strong I can find myself to be emotionally.  I came back home to stay with my sister Dee.  And if you knew anything at all about Dee`s & my relationship throughout our past, you would slap me and ask why, I would ever even consider coming home to be subject to the sibling torment that accompanies interactions between the two of us.

We never had an easy upbringing.  My mother was an abusive alcoholic control freak, my father was almost never home, instead he was shacked up with my best highschool friend Lee`s mom, in what was likely his self exploration of the Kama Sutra.  Dee was the oldest child, my other sister Joanna was the middle and perfect child, and I was the youngest.

People may think that its the baby of the family who is able to get away with everything, but in our disfunctional little piece of paradise, this couldn`t have been further from the absolute truth.  In our family, Joanna was Queen Bee.  She was the sporty one, she was popular, worked with charity organizations, and was the apple of our mother`s eye.  Likely because she most resembled our mother at a young age.

Dee was always dating fucktard abusive emotionally degrading guys who our parents would never approve of, and landing herself in a hole where our parents would have to pick her up again.  Me on the other hand...  I got in to a group of friends who lead me as far away as I could possibly get to from my family and their abusive politics.  Both physically, and mentally.

Dee learned from a young age that if she wanted to be noticed that she had to play follow the leader, as she was never the type that others would ever deliberately choose to follow.  Joanna, learned that she was better than everybody else, and I learned that i would have to watch out for myself.  Since living in adulthood, Dee became Joanna`s little minnion, she would jump if Joanna saw fit, and even do things just to gain accceptance from my mother and Joanna.

Until, Joanna took it all as a way to claw her way to the top, stepping on any toes she had to in order to get ahead.  I spent years and years away from my family because it was all just a little bit too fucked up for my liking.  But no matter how far I moved away, and which life I tried to lead...  I was always unsuccessful in what I did, because I was never shown or taught how life was supposed to be.  Instead I had to live and make all of the wrong decisions for myself over and over again, until it sunk in that maybe, I would need to change my path in life to something a bit more beneficial.

And so here I am yet again...  Back in the city of my birth, with a neurotic, demanding sister who holds the cards in her hands.  She is able to yell at me, and treat me like garbage, even though I am here at her beck and call, doing all of the things she wants and needs.  And if I dare have any kind of disagreement or difference of opinion, she asks me if I want somewhere to be.  Letting me know in her way that she has the power to force my life in to an evil and hard direction.

I am not entirely sure, but in my mind, it is like by bossing me around and telling me what to do, it gives Dee a kind of feeling that allows her to feel like the leader of the pack.  Entitling herself to a mess of power using idle threats and manipulative power to get what she wants.  And this is likely not even her intention or fault, but she so desires the chance to be the leader, that she`s willing to go to any length in order to have the power which she was never really able to posess in any other fascett of her natural life.

So... for right now I am in a kind of hell on earth, but It is only for as long as I allow myself to be here.  If I make the right decisions this time round, then I will be able to hold the cards within my own life, and move forward in to a more positive direction, and choose whether or not to have the conversation with her about her actions and how they can have a very negative impact on the lives of others.

She attends a bible study group every tuesday morning, and it reminds me of our child hood as well.  My dad was an adulterer and he was a bible study pastor for a baptist church.  My mother is one of the biggest jesus freaks (Pardon my pun) but...  after beating her kids blue, and turning them in to emotional cripples, she would march in to church and help those in need, or else thats what she wanted everyone to believe.  And now my sister Dee...  She yells and gets mad, and treats people like garbage within her life and on tuesday she gets to be the model christian woman at her bible study.
Do you see where this can lead in to problems ?

I sure do :)

But at least I can have something interesting to blog about, and in turn...
you will have something interesting to read about :)

xo for now,

Katerena

Jealousy and the Man

I seem to lead a life far less ordinary than that of most other girls.  Or at least that is how it seems to me...  I have been having issues with one of my roommates Pierre.  Yes, I broke the cardinal rule of roommates, I slept with Pierre 3 times.  Since then, he began to tell me of his perfect girl and how i didn't fit the desirable range he was seeking, and so I did what any normal girl would do, and showed him just how desirable i could really be.

I began having dates, always with a man either as hot as Pierre, or slightly better looking than him...  working the envious card and milking it for its worth.

For awhile it seemed to be working just fine, but after three or four dates, Pierre began to become bitter towards me.  Call it neglect or jealousy, either way it wasn't working out in either of our favours.
Lately Pierre has begun getting violent with me, and down-right mean.  Not just with the vulgar things that he is saying to me, but also with his actions... and today he got physical.  moral of the story...  Never work with jealousy, or else it may just end up that you are the one who will end up wounded...  I have a black eye to prove that a man with jealousy issues can be pushed too far...  so tread lightly ladies...  sometimes it may be better to simply just let go, and not to attempt at fooling with a man's temper.  Do i just walk away?  or do I tear apart his life piece by piece?  The old me would seek his destruction, but the new me, accepts that it is what it is, and I decide to simply move on...

am i right to do so?  maybe and maybe not, but, life is a journey...  And I choose to live mine with the lesser amount of drama possible :)
Love & Kisses to all my readers ;)

xo

Katerena P.